Loss

I've been thinking lately about what it's like to not have biological children. This was a result of the upcoming family reunion that we recently attended. Family reunions are all about how a large family evolved from one married couple and their line of descent. But what about us, since we are adopting? How will we include our child in a heritage when his is lost?

For me, there is a lot of loss.The loss of:

• A childbirth experience

• The special attention, care and support that pregnancy brings to you,

• Control, as efforts toward conception result in disappointment
• the adoption process, as a myriad of social workers, government officials and other ‘professionals’ decide and orchestrate the rest of your life.

• The surprise, shock of seeing a (+) on a pregnancy test
• The wonder of carrying life
• the joy of having others decide who the child looks like the most
  

For our child, the loss of:

• his first days, months, or even years of his life.

• Knowledge of the whys and hows of his personality, medical condition and even behaviors. Is it something I have done, something in his past that I have no knowledge of, or simply genetic programming?
• Being blood related

This adoption process has been exciting and happy at times, but surrounded by the sorrow of our situation and his as well. We will not stay here.. we will all grow and thrive, but the reality of this can sometimes be overwhelming.