Final Steps

Last night we stayed up until past midnight trying to fill out the final stretch of paperwork, the I-800 and I-864W. Tim will overnight this to Dallas today and it should take approx. 2 weeks to get that back. Then, once we receive our approval letter, we send copies of the documents to Great Wall, they send the documents to China via email, and they begin working on our travel arrangements. Basically, we're on the tip top of the mountain looking down! All the waiting is suddenly over.

When I got the phone call last week that our LSC (letter seeking confirmation) was in, our case worker said "This is a lot faster than usual." I told her that this kid is covered in prayer so I wasn't surprised!

The only downside is the reality that we have a lot of money to come up with yet. I am not worrying about it because I know God will provide, however the human side of me can't help but get a little antsy about it. We have the orphanage donation, travel costs, and money lost from not being at work (since I have no benefits). This is a lot to consider!

I am excited, none the less. His room is far from finished and I am not sure we can do the floors yet because I want to make sure we have enough money for travel. (I spilled paint on the carpet a couple of years ago). It's still cute with frogs and monkeys and giraffes and a huge ride-on elephant from my friend Kelly!

Very excited that we'll have him home soon..very soon!

Loss

I've been thinking lately about what it's like to not have biological children. This was a result of the upcoming family reunion that we recently attended. Family reunions are all about how a large family evolved from one married couple and their line of descent. But what about us, since we are adopting? How will we include our child in a heritage when his is lost?

For me, there is a lot of loss.The loss of:

• A childbirth experience

• The special attention, care and support that pregnancy brings to you,

• Control, as efforts toward conception result in disappointment
• the adoption process, as a myriad of social workers, government officials and other ‘professionals’ decide and orchestrate the rest of your life.

• The surprise, shock of seeing a (+) on a pregnancy test
• The wonder of carrying life
• the joy of having others decide who the child looks like the most
  

For our child, the loss of:

• his first days, months, or even years of his life.

• Knowledge of the whys and hows of his personality, medical condition and even behaviors. Is it something I have done, something in his past that I have no knowledge of, or simply genetic programming?
• Being blood related

This adoption process has been exciting and happy at times, but surrounded by the sorrow of our situation and his as well. We will not stay here.. we will all grow and thrive, but the reality of this can sometimes be overwhelming.

wow, 2 updates in one day!

I just opened my email and received this from GWCA:

Dear Great Wall Family,

We are happy to report that your dossier was registered in China. The registration date is also known as the Log in Date or LID. Your LID is 9/7/2010.

If we receive any additional information we will contact you as quickly as possible. In the meantime, if you need assistance or support, please feel free to give us a call.

Congratulations,

Almost Real

I had the sweetest dream about Chanz. He was in a hallway, like the kind that connects an airplane to the terminal. I saw him and felt my heart burst. I got down on one knee so I would be level with him and smiled at him. He smiled and ran towards me and asked me for a piece of gum.

Slow Down-Hill

I finally received an email update from Great Wall. Sadly, it will be 6-9 months before we get Chanz here :( These are sure to be the longest months of our lives. The good news is, it gives us more time to gather the money that we need, esp. for travel.

I told Tim last night we might as well let go and quit stressing over getting him here. He'll be older than we wish (I would much prefer to have had him right after he was born) but at least we'll have pictures, we can send him care packages, and we can still love and care for him despite the distance, and despite the fact he does not know us yet.

Another bonus: It will not be during the bone cold of winter!

I told Tim we will be sending many cameras, one for each month that we miss!

Falling

I awoke this morning thinking about fall. I love the feel of it every morning, the weak sunshine reaching down so gently like a mom laying her baby down to sleep. I like the way the atmosphere feels, like a young child. I suppose the young feeling should be reserved for spring, but that is how Fall feels to me. Outside one can walk around the yard minus the burning glare of the sun. It's softer now, and more welcoming and friendly. Leaves are falling off of trees, birds are flying away, and insects have hidden far beneath the ground. It isn't a sad leaving, in fact there is a lot of activity. The holidays are just down the way, singing their expectant arrival. There is the celebration of Fall, then quickly followed by Thanksgiving, then soon after by Christmas, and then the celebration of a new year. The beginning of Fall is the preparation stage for all to come. It's an exciting time!

Come Home

Got misty-eyed tonight thinking about Chanz. We just want him home so bad, all the waiting is so very hard. I don't know what he's doing or if he's lonely or happy. Did he play with the toys we sent him for his birthday? Does he sleep snuggled up to the stuffed panda bear toy? What is he like? Does he smile all the time and does he pout? Does he even have a clue that we love him already and can't wait to hold him tight?

Does he have any idea how rotten he is going to be once he gets here? Our first family vacation is already planned.. we're taking him to Orlando to stay in the condo we secured for our future children and to swim and see the ocean and play in sand and just BE. Come home, Chanz!!!!