Home Study Update

We finally did complete our home study. The social worker was pleasant and we all sat around the kitchen table laughing. Many times we strayed from the topic at hand, but we finally finished. She sent the following email:

Tim and Jamie,
 
Wanted to say thank you for the great visit today.  I really enjoyed  
getting to meet you both!  You will make wonderful parents to some  
very lucky little Chinese girl!
 
I know it was probably nerve-wracking to have a stranger come into  
your house, asking you all sorts of personal questions, and I don't  
take that for granted.  I'm always honored to be welcomed like I felt  
I was today. Thanks for making the long trip so worthwhile!
 
I'll be getting to work on the first draft tomorrow and will hopefully  
have it to you very soon.
 
Have a great week!
 
Julie

Then she sent another email with this embedded:

Also, I hope it's sort of a given to both of you that I will  
unconditionally approve you to adopt from China.  Sometimes I forget  
that families are freaking out, while I'm on the other end thinking,  
"Wow!  They're going to make great parents!"  I forget sometimes to  
actually TELL the parents about that!Just in case you had any doubts.

So, with that, I feel much better! We're more than half-way through the paperchase!!

Slow Going

We were unable to begin our homestudy on Friday, as anticipated. Tim took off of work, we had someone mow the yard for us, the house was sparkling... but the social worker got in a wreck on the way in and couldn't make it :( Now, it has been impossible to agree on a date or find one she doesn't already have planned for a family or even get a REPLY from my emails! I'm starting to get frustrated.
One of the cardiologists I used to work with was very kind and filled out our Physical Exam paperwork we needed and we are going to get the required labwork drawn tomorrow. I have to have a notarized physician letter stating that I have asthma, take medication for it, and that it would not affect my ability to raise a child. Asthma ~ seriously?! I wish I had left it out that I have asthma to begin with!
Next comes getting passports and our FBI background check. We get to pay for ALL of this, and this part alone is close to $2000. So next time someone asks me about how I feel about illegal immigrants and amnesty, you can be sure I have an earfull for them. I am a legal, born on American soil American, and I am having to jump through hoops to even prove that I was actually born here, and paying a boatload of money while I'm at it.
I'm just ready to get this homestudy over with, it makes me nervous. When it is all done and behind me, we can just sit back and wait. Bring on the homestudy already!!!!

Autobiography..

I have just now finished typing up a blank form for us to fill out, individually. As I saved it, I noticed I had the printed copy I have in my hands saved there. I'm pretty sure I could have just used that one to create my blank document but NO I have to do it the hard way! I refuse to find out if that is the case. I'm going to ignore it.

Temporary Housewife

Today is the day. I am going to get our autobiographies for the social worker done today!
Our first visit with the social worker is June 19th, which is a measly 11 days away. Apparently, the purpose of the autobiography is for the social worker to read so that she will already know some about us & can skip a lot of the boring details during the actual face-to-face interview time. It will also be sent to China in our dossier so that they can read about us and hopefully match us with the child of our dreams. The social worker's name is Julie, and we have emailed back and forth a few times. So far, I think I will like her. I detect a sense of humor, and if you know me, that's very important! I can't be serious for too long at a time (to a fault).. I am not the most comfortable with strangers, but surely with it being in our own home I'll be fine.
Right??
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY
I'm actually thinking, if it isn't too too personal, that I will post it on here. It might be fun to look back on and read one day. It's kinda long. The blank form to work off of is 7 solid pages. I'm talking numbered questions to answer from top to bottom. But then again, who doesn't like to talk about themselves from time to time? This is a good time to put it all in perspective: who we are, what we hope for in our future family, our dreams, our past. All of it.

So here I sit; jobless, lost, broke. Yet I am also content not to have the pressure of work on my back, at least for a little while. It didn't bother me to put up Tim's clothes that were half on the bed, half on the floor. I didn't mind making up the whole bed by myself and placing all the pillows just so. I happily put up the towels and other clothes that have been in a laundry basket for days. I could do this life. If only I didn't like to buy stuff, I wouldn't have to worry about working. Why, oh WHY do I like stuff??

I'm off to the gas station to buy a huge Dr Pepper, then I'm getting started.

tick tick tick

I hit the floor running at work today. I even got there early, after another sleepless night of tossing and turning, my thoughts driving me mad.

I got home about six after running by the grocery store. Started supper, kicked back on the couch for a bit. Walked around outside, watered my new plantlings, pulled some weeds, trimmed some trees, came inside for supper, went back outside with our glasses of sweet tea, came inside to put on more laundry and fold clothes. Took a shower, then grabbed my laptop to get some sweet adoption work done. All day long it's been running through my head, the things I need to do, namely getting a certified copy of our marriage licensce.

But it's 10:00 p.m. now.

I'm seeing how this paper chase phase can become a paperball rolling down a hill, gaining speed and growing in size, with me right under it..

Papers Chasing Me

I'm running down a dark street. My breath is ragged from running so hard and fast. The only sound breaking the silence of the still summer night is my feet pounding the pavement. And paper. It's all around me, swirling and flying and falling, as if propelled by a miniature tornado, and I'm trying to grasp the edges of them and stuff them into my already full hands, but I can't keep up! The papers keep piling up and flying around and I can't run fast enough.

At least this is the nightmare I'm sure to have very soon.

I've received two emails this week alone prompting me to begin the chase, to keep moving, to get it done. I will be receiving two emails a week for the next 14 weeks, pushing me on to the next step.

It doesn't matter that:

• I'm about to be in- between jobs in less than a week
• that I have a mountain paperwork to fill out in order to begin a new job in three weeks
  
• that I need to figure out if the other job I have still wants me and how often I can work.
• that my sheets are in the washer and it's 11:30 p.m. and I have to be at work at 8

The world keeps on spinning: I'm glad I learned that lesson a long time ago.

Baby Hangers

I found myself in front of a shelf of infant clothing. It seems to be the place I'm drawn to now, whenever I walk into a store, as if I'm on auto pilot and that is where I am led. No thinking, just "there".
I was on a girls trip to New Braunfels. We intended on floating the river, but the weather was not permissive, so we decided to browse the little stores crowded around the block in Gruene. We walked into the little country store filled with river outfits from shirts and bathing suits to river shoes to beer and energy drinks. The six of us scattered into different directions like pool balls cracked with a cue ball.
Very soon I stood there gazing at the shelved walls lined with tiny, colorful shirts. I picked up a tiny pink t-shirt and absorbed the logo into my thoughts, and I dreamed.

I pictured us, my husband and I, with our new little addition somewhere in the middle of a street in China. Curious, smiling Asian faces stopped walking to look at the little girl who would be whisked away to another country in a matter of days. We held her away from us proudly and smiled at her as if she were the sun. She wore a pink t-shirt that identified the town where her parents bought their first pair of river shoes on their honeymoon.. It was bought from the very same store, a special place in our hearts, just like she will be.

I carefully replaced the tiny shirt and walked away, to some entirely different area. It was safer to stare at men's t-shirts than the little kid clothing, by far. My eyes had started to water and I thought I was a few heartbeats away from crying. It confused me. What is this I am feeling? I thought. Just the thought of our future little girl put a lump in my throat every time, and I can't explain why. Joy? Longing? One of the girls suddenly appeared from my right and was talking about a cute cover-up she had found. I blinked my eyes quickly to rid any evidence of emotion; she didn't seem to notice I had almost had a melt down in the middle of the store!

It's a strange thing. Different. It isn't a sadness I feel, it's.. ? No words for it yet. Perhaps it's the hope that we've gained from this process. We will, no matter what, have a child in our home to love and care for. She will probably never know just how much hope we have hinged upon her birth alone. We're waiting for her.

Ten minutes later, I was handed a receipt and I left the store with a plastic bag. Inside was folded a tiny pink shirt.