Monday, May 18, 2009


I have been overwhelmed by all the support of this adoption. I'm not sure how I feel: it's awesome but it's kind of embarrassing! We are so blessed to be able to do this and we will take away from this far more than we can ever put in financially. It isn't a sacrifice for us, or at least it doesn't feel like one. And I don't know.. it feels like breathing. This is something we're meant to do, to live.

Have I mentioned how amazing my husband is?

God has been teaching me some important lessons. It almost seems like infertility is a small price to pay for such knowledge (as hard as that is to admit). I've been reminded of his timing. It's so cliche to hear someone say "God's timing is perfect" or "All in God's time, His time is not our time". Oh blah blah BLAH!! I swear I've heard those sayings so often it had no meaning left! However He is showing me. Clearly. He is actually moving things around in my life, right before my eyes, to see that He really is in control and, believe it or not, He knows what He is doing.

**What a relief that is to me! **

About everything. My job, my future children, biological or not, our future, how far to take treatments, how much to work...

I'm learning to open my hands that have been clenched around my pain and disappointment for so long, and to hold onto his hand instead, for strength. Not my strength- HIS. Holding it all inside and clinging to my sorrow is never going to get me anywhere, not until I give it to him and say "My life is yours, show me where to go, what to do, because I'm too weak to figure it out for myself." He really does listen, and when his time does come, you know it because it's like sliding down a water slide! Everything just flows, with you right along with it. And I like going down water slides :)

..I guess a lazy river analogy would have worked just as well..

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